The Heart Of A Warrior

I love my sister very much, and she loves me.  Yet, as siblings usually are, we’re very different.  She’s the oldest and I’m the middle child.  Those positionings alone bring vast differences to the table in how we view life, ourselves as women, and how we approach God.  She’s bold, unafraid of the spotlight, actually thrives on it.  I’m just the opposite, and quite comfortable being in the background.

As a child, I viewed her as confident, strong, unafraid, and I wanted to emmulate her.  I still see her that way, but life and age opened my eyes and I see her struggle with who she is and what she wants to become, sometimes wondering if it’s too late, and will her dreams ever come to fruition.  She’s just like you and me.  Who hasn’t struggled with those issues.

I tell you these things because how we view ourselves and others, is probably, not how God sees us.  I discovered this truth as my journey to walk with God and really know His heart, took giant steps forward in the fall of 2009.

In September of that year, I took three days off from work to fast and be alone with God.  I remember being so excited as the time grew near.  I told Him more than once, “Just a few more days, God, and we’ll be alone together.  Three whole days and you can tell me anything you want.  They’ll be no distractions, no schedules, no interruptions.”

My time with Him was wonderful, but some of the things He told me and showed me, blew me away.  I cannot reveal all the details, but the picture He painted of how He saw me was not the same view I had of myself.  To say they were opposite would be a huge understatement.

I told the Lord I was a very unlikely candidate for the purposes He had just called me to.  He laughed and said,”Man, (being me) looks on the outside.  I see your heart.  You have the heart of a warrior with the feet of a dancer.”

As a christian, I believe fasting and prayer go hand in hand.   I do not, and have not fasted as often as I should, but like all the things I’ve learned along my spiritual journey, you just keep moving forward.  The old is gone, and each day all is new.  Remember when you’re tempted to drown in your guilt and unforgiveness, that Jesus died and shed His blood for you.  Receive that gift and apply it to your heart.  His sacrifice will wash you clean, but you must believe and ask for it.

Me, the heart of a warrior?  Of myself, it seems impossible, but the things I’ve done in the last two years are things I thought I’d never do.  But God knew. . .

I think I’ll trust His view of me.  You can trust Him, too.



What Would Your Sign Say about You?

What would we think about ourselves if we were forced by someone to wear signs advertising our thoughts, behaviors, intentions, achievements and failures and that person was the one deciding what our sign would say for that day.

I think most of us would spend the majority of our time in our homes. . .

Imagine, going to work in the morning and the sign you had to wear said, ” I hate my job, my boss is an idiot, and I’m going to do as little work today as I can get away with.”  We probably wouldn’t have a job for very long.  And yet, how many of us feel that way and never express it, except perhaps to those people we feel “safe” with.

If someone could read my mind, knew all the details of my life, and told me I had to openly advertise anything they chose about my life and thoughts and wear it as a sign, honestly, I don’t think I could go on living.  On my own, I’m not capable of living a life of perfection or maintaining only righteous, Godly thoughts.  Jesus told us there is no one righteous, not one single person.  He is the only one who lived a perfect life.

Think about it.  Each day we would see signs on people that say, ” I stole from the department store,” or, ” I’m a hit and run driver, ” or “I abused my child.”  So many frightening signs and far, far fewer that say, ” I gave to the poor and didn’t take credit for it,” or, “I scooped snow from my elderly neighbor’s driveway.”

“If you’re considering abortion, your sign might say, “I’m thinking about killing my baby.”

The things we think about in the privacy of our minds can come to pass if we dwell on them long enough.  Those things, good and bad, are not secrets to God.  He knows the thoughts and intentions of our hearts.

I’m so grateful no person is deciding what my sign should say.  I do think we write our own signs, even if we don’t wear them on the outside, we wear them on our hearts and live with the consequences of what they say, everyday.

If you’re thinking about abortion, write this sign for you heart instead.  “I’m chosing life for my baby and trusting God to make a way for me and my child.”

God’s sign for you will say, “This my daughter, I love her and I will help her.”

Think about it. . .


Don’t Give Up On Your Dreams

Paint your words

Write your pictures

From all the pages of your heart

And there

In front of you

A dream comes true


We survive on hope. It’s fuel for our spirit.  Hope is one of God’s good gifts to us, and when we lose it, our lives crash around us.  One way to keep hope alive is to write down your dreams.  See them with your eyes, feel them in your heart.  Journaling can help you do this.

Don’t give up because life’s circumstances tell you the things you hope for are never going to happen.  Delays lie to us, tear at our spirit and bear false witness about our future.  Put your hope in God who loves you.  With Him, nothing is impossible.

If your dreams are as distant as the stars, reach out to God.  Ask Him to breathe life into your heart and help you recapture your dreams.  When He does, write them down, and read them every day. They’ll come alive in your spirit and become reality in your life.

Don’t forget to tell Him “thank you”.

My heart is with you!




Adoption-An Answer for the Pain

During my first miscarriage, I remember the bedroom walls breathed.  I heard this deep gasping sound.  I sat on the edge of the bed, void of sensation, certain I’d died.  The walls sagged in and out in a jerky, rhythmic motion. Minutes disguised themselves as hours. Then, I started to wail and realized the jagged breathing came from me, not the walls. I curled up in a fetal position hoping to stop the cramping, but nothing bridled the pain. My body mirrored the repeated stabbing in my heart and all I could do was hold on to my bedspread and cry.

When you’ve waited for a child, the endless months and years passing at tortoise speed while your arms remain empty are surreal.  My numb heart refused the slightest mention of hope.  In the early 1980’s, Nebraska adoption agencies reported 400 couples waiting for every white, healthy child relinquished for adoption.  Exhausted in spirit, mind and body, I couldn’t handle the thought of plowing a new field of adoption with myself, my husband or our families. I wondered daily if all of them had given up on me, because I had.

Most wee hours of the morning found me sitting on my front porch, bargaining with and questioning God.  Why me?  Why was it taking so long?  Why didn’t God answer my prayers?  I never stopped to think I couldn’t hear Him if He tried to tell me anything.  My prayers  were one-sided, accusing and brimming with self-pity. After I lost my baby, I gave up.  I couldn’t bear any further disappointment, and I was certain I’d be childless.

I don’t know how I knew I needed to, but I allowed myself to grieve.  So much loss. . . my child, my emotional stability, my life had ceased except for this endless quest of womanly fulfillment. Even though I knew it was a lie, I told God it didn’t matter anymore.

I craved peace.

God is patient.  He doesn’t give up even when we do, and for that, I give Him the praise and glory He deserves.  About six months after losing my child, I met a woman and her daughter she’d adopted from Korea.  The beautiful child stole my heart, and hope erupted inside me, again.  With God, what we often view as coincidence, are His definitive plans for our lives.  This precious woman told me about the agency she’d worked with:  Adoption was the answer I’d prayed for.  Even when I didn’t know it, God knew.  In His timing, He changed my life forever.

A week later, a letter arrived in the mail.  The woman I’d met sent two photos of her little girl and my husband had the opportunity to see her, too.  We didn’t take long to decide.  We applied with Holt, started the home-study process, and to make a very long story short, eleven months later we were a family of three!  God is awesome.  His love and concern for us and everything in our lives should renew your hope. He understands the ache in your heart to have a child, He put that desire inside you.  Trust Him.  Don’t give up.  Consider all the options.  Adoption is the gift of life.

If you’re pregnant and considering abortion, please read this post again.  God, the giver of life, has a plan for you and the child you carry.  His plan is life, not death.  Prayerfully consider adoption.  God has a family waiting to receive your gift.

Email or write me.  See my contact page.  Tell me your story.  I want to listen, to help, to pray.


Are You Pregnant & Don’t Want To Be?

Don’t make a decision that could torture you later without getting alone with yourself and God and truthfully share your heart with Him.  Ask Him to show you what to do.

If you’re in this situation and read my post, Let’s Talk About Babies, you’re probably thinking how could anyone like myself help someone like you?  I wanted a child, you don’t.

Remember, I said God was the one who decides when we arrive in this world.  I also believe the opposite is true.  He’s the one who decides when we leave it.

Every child is God’s gift to us.  Every child.  Their unique qualities, talents and abilities will not appear in someone else because He created each of us with a destiny all our own.

When a child is aborted it’s easy to think the “problem” was taken care of.  In reality, it’s only begun.  A human life was terminated, and not by God.  The child’s purpose on the earth ceases if you decide to terminate your pregnancy.  Abortion takes not only the life of one child, but generations of people who will never be.  The baby whose life is ended by abortion will not have children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren and on and on.

If you choose abortion, all those people will never exist…

What great art and music will never be seen or heard?  What scientific research, medical cures, financial solutions, inventions, teachers and entrepreneurs will civilization not have the benefits of? I haven’t even mentioned the doctors, nurses and emergency workers who save countless lives everyday.  Your child has a destiny.  Maybe one I mentioned, or one of a long list too numerous to post here.

But a future only he or she created by God to fulfill.

What about you?  Have you thought of your child’s life from this perspective, or just from your stress, your inconvenience and your financial situation?  If there’s one thing I learned in the years I waited for my children was God’s timing is His own, and rarely, if ever, the same as ours.  Remember?  He sees the big picture of our lives, not just the now we are so focused on.

Please remember this; as much as I have spoken about Gods love and future for your child, the same holds true for you.  He has a plan and purpose for your life, too.  He loves you just as much as He loves the child you carry.  The baby in your womb is a part of that destiny.  Give God your life and the life of your child.  He will make a way where there seems no way if you’ll just ask Him to.

Let me pray for you and your child. I see you as my sister when I pray.  You need to know you and your child are important to me.

Father God, My sister needs your help.  She’s pregnant and that’s not what she wants.  She’s afraid, and may be thinking aborting the baby is her only way out.  Touch her heart, now, in the way only You can.  Fill her with your peace so You can talk to her and she can hear You.  You love her so much, with a love that started before she was born.  The same love You have for the child she carries in her body.  There’s a part only she can play in the life of this baby.  Give her the strength to do it.  Show her how to do it.  Make a way for her to do it.  Father God, nothing is impossible for You.  Make yourself real to my sister, today.  Give her Your peace and unspeakable joy for making the decision for life.  I ask this in the name of my Lord Jesus.


Sister, I will keep you in my prayers.  You can email or write me.  See my contact page.


Future Posts: Abortion Alternatives

Let’s Talk About Babies

Babies.  Like most women you grow up thinking you’ll have one, two or more someday.  It will be wonderful!  You’ll find the man of your dreams, marry, maybe have a career and then, when you’re ready, it will just happen, right?  You’ll get pregnant.  Become a mom and life will be great.

For many women it happens just like that!

But, not always.

Like many of you, I was one of the not always.  I married at twenty and we decided to have children right away.

It didn’t happen. Not for eight years.

Finally, after agonizing years of infertility routines I was pregnant, only to miscarry at three months. The pain of eight years of childlessness escalated to new heights with the realization my body betrayed me in the cruelest way.

I miscarried at home, sitting on the toilet. The gut wrenching emotions I dealt with were topped off by seeing my husband sitting alone on a little stool in the kitchen, his face buried in his hands, weeping.

I wanted to comfort him. I couldn’t. To this day I don’t know if he knew I saw him.  Seeing his pain was the dirt falling on my coffin lid.  I’d be buried under this, I just knew it.  I wanted to die, along with my child.

All I could say was WHY . . .

I didn’t know it then, but I would crawl out from under the pain.  I would smile and laugh again. I would embrace hope.

I believe with all my heart children are a gift from God.  Their arrival usually is not our time frame, (although sometimes it is).  Most of us operate with tunnel vision concerning events in our lives.  God has a plan for each of us and it begins with Him, our creator, deciding when we appear on the earth via our mother’s womb.

I want to hear your story.  Would you share it with me?  Let me pray for you now.

Father God, touch everyone who reads this post with your hand of mercy, love and forgiveness.  We sure need it.  Let them see that you are the God of hope and healing.  You care about everything we care about and You see the WHOLE picture of our lives.  Help us step out of our tunnel and soak in the light of Your love for us and our children.


Thanks for reading.