I love my sister very much, and she loves me. Yet, as siblings usually are, we’re very different. She’s the oldest and I’m the middle child. Those positionings alone bring vast differences to the table in how we view life, ourselves as women, and how we approach God. She’s bold, unafraid of the spotlight, actually thrives on it. I’m just the opposite, and quite comfortable being in the background.
As a child, I viewed her as confident, strong, unafraid, and I wanted to emmulate her. I still see her that way, but life and age opened my eyes and I see her struggle with who she is and what she wants to become, sometimes wondering if it’s too late, and will her dreams ever come to fruition. She’s just like you and me. Who hasn’t struggled with those issues.
I tell you these things because how we view ourselves and others, is probably, not how God sees us. I discovered this truth as my journey to walk with God and really know His heart, took giant steps forward in the fall of 2009.
In September of that year, I took three days off from work to fast and be alone with God. I remember being so excited as the time grew near. I told Him more than once, “Just a few more days, God, and we’ll be alone together. Three whole days and you can tell me anything you want. They’ll be no distractions, no schedules, no interruptions.”
My time with Him was wonderful, but some of the things He told me and showed me, blew me away. I cannot reveal all the details, but the picture He painted of how He saw me was not the same view I had of myself. To say they were opposite would be a huge understatement.
I told the Lord I was a very unlikely candidate for the purposes He had just called me to. He laughed and said,”Man, (being me) looks on the outside. I see your heart. You have the heart of a warrior with the feet of a dancer.”
As a christian, I believe fasting and prayer go hand in hand. I do not, and have not fasted as often as I should, but like all the things I’ve learned along my spiritual journey, you just keep moving forward. The old is gone, and each day all is new. Remember when you’re tempted to drown in your guilt and unforgiveness, that Jesus died and shed His blood for you. Receive that gift and apply it to your heart. His sacrifice will wash you clean, but you must believe and ask for it.
Me, the heart of a warrior? Of myself, it seems impossible, but the things I’ve done in the last two years are things I thought I’d never do. But God knew. . .
I think I’ll trust His view of me. You can trust Him, too.