Choices-We Make Them, We Live With Them

I’ve struggled with regurgitating my pain and fear during the birthing process of my posts and, physically, gasped at the tangible emotions staring me in the face.  In spite of it all or perhaps because of, everything I endured to become a mother pales in comparison to the joy of being a mother and grandmother!

When I made my choice to create this blog and write about the extremely sensitive subject of abortion, the heartache of infertility and the pain and joy of adoption, I thought I knew what I was setting myself up for from the reader’s comments.  I prayed about it many times, pondered it, and plunged in.

During my prayer time God made it quite clear; the blog is what He wanted me to do at this moment in my life, and I made a choice to follow His direction.

Then something happened that tested my resolve and convictions.  A person whom I shall call a friend for privacy issues in this post, made it known to another person in my life that they thought my abortion views were not compassionate, judgemental, and not based on knowledge of the subject.  Because this person is a part of my life, I was not only hurt by the comments, but also the fact they did not tell me to my face or comment on my blog.  They chose to go through another person, who in turn, told me.  All of this was too close to home and I was angry.

I watered flowers, paced the house, mumbled and plopped down on a stair in the stairwell leading to my garden.

Then, as He is so good at doing, the Holy Spirit said in His quiet voice, “How would you have responded to someone posting or emailing those same opinions?”  I sputtered and told Him, “It’s different, this person knows me, I know them, we have a history, they should have spoken honestly to my face so we could have discussed it like adults, not told someone else who had to tell me!”  The Holy Spirit did not respond to my blustering.  Silence sat down beside me in the narrow stairwell.

I repented.  Writing to a stranger about these topics can come across as impersonal and more factual, which in some way is good and in other ways not so good.  We feel free and safe to type our words in an email or small comment box and start the healing process or share truths. We tell ourselves it’s o.k., no one knows me.  But, the human side to these topics is often tragic and painful.  We are here as God’s creation to help each other, to offer a listening ear, encouraging words, guidance and forgiveness.

This blog is very personal, not only to myself but to those of you who read and say, I agree, I disagree, I understand and I feel pain or I feel joy.

My opinions about abortion are based not only on my faith, but on scientific fact and judicial rulings stating that life begins at conception.  If you are pregnant and you are human, the child in your body is a human being. Our own Declaration of Independence states: We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.  Nothing is mentioned about first being born, only created, which happens at conception.  A human egg comes together with human sperm to create a human being.

My friend said they knew intelligent women who’d had abortions and made that choice with thought and compassion and did not see their pregnancy as simply a lump of tissue. How did they think of it?  As a baby?  I see compassion, but for themselves, their situation, their lifestyle and stress level that giving birth to the child they aborted would greatly complicate.  I am not saying in any way that the choice they made was easy.  I’m certain the majority of women who abort anguish over their decision, especially if they deal with it with knowledge of what they’re doing and what the consequences are of their decision.  How is choosing to take your child’s life showing compassion for the child?  Adoption is a life giving alternative if the woman cannot keep the child.

During a past conversation with this same friend they said that crimes against children were abhorrent to them.  An aborted child is killed. How can this not be a crime? Depending on the abortion method used, the baby dies immediately, or even worse, after several hours of horrific pain. Our law tells us this is not a crime as long as the child has not been born.  But once born, we use every measure available to us to ensure the baby’s health and safety.  The truth of what’s taking place with abortion is unconscionable.

According to our current law a woman has the legal right to choose abortion.  Abortion is legal by civil law, but not by God’s moral law.

What is legal is not always right.






Oh God. . .

Call me with your heart oh God, and I will follow

I have only one life, and so much is gone

I want to love you more, oh God

I don’t want to stand before You not knowing You, Your names, Your heart,

Your songs, Your touch, all because I did not sit at Your feet

I want to see You, oh God, not talk about You like You’re not here

I lay at Your feet the lies I believe about myself, they’ve gouged a canyon in my heart

Oh God. . .

I deserved death, but You gave me life, Your life

I want to know where You live, because it’s supposed to be inside of me

Oh God, write your name on my heart

You have an address here, in me, where you can dwell and I have one in You

I want to know every room in Your house, oh God


God placed inside each of us the desire for fellowship with Him. It doesn’t matter where you are in your life, He wants to hear from you.  Just start talking to Him, like you would a friend.  You can trust God with all your secrets.  He already knows them.

Bare your heart.  No matter what you’ve done or said, He’ll meet you where you’re at in your life. What he requires from us is truth, a repentant heart, and the desire to know and live for Him through His son, Jesus Christ.

I promise He will answer you.



Hope-God Revealing His Heart To Us

If you read my post, Adoption-An Answer for the Pain, I wrote about my feelings of failure.  Failure as a woman, failure as a wife, failure as a christian because of questioning and blaming God for my inability to conceive or carry a child to term.  By the time I miscarried my first child, I’d completely given up on myself and God.

Mercifully, He didn’t give up on me.  Through His son, Jesus Christ, He continued to love me, to protect my heart and to forgive me. Hebrews 13:5 says, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” That’s God’s promise to us.  He was still there, all the time, loving me in spite of my feelings about Him, my circumstances or myself.

Pain, mental or physical, shuts you down and gives you tunnel vision.  All your focus is on the pain and the reasons for it.  You ache for relief, and after a while, you’ll do anything to stop it.  When I became a christian, I asked Jesus to forgive me and be my Lord and Savior.  He did, and the Holy Spirit came to live inside me.  There aren’t enough words to express how grateful I am for that.  The Holy Spirit is our comforter, our teacher, our encourager, and so much more. It’s the Holy Spirit who accomplishes God’s purpose in our lives.

When you hear someone who has a true relationship with Jesus say,” God told me,” what they mean in almost all cases is they heard the Holy Spirit inside their spirit speak to them.  I know, He speaks to me and I speak to Him.

I was a christian. . . an immature one, when I lost my first child after so many years of trying to conceive.  But, after some time passed and I’d had a chance to grieve, the Holy Spirit applied His healing oil to my broken heart.  At first, the unbearable weight of loss lifted enough for me to realize I would live through this and that realization freed my paralyzed spirit.  Eventually, numbness dissolved, and feelings of abandonment by God disappeared.  I’d wake in the night thinking about God and His love for me, and with that, hope, which I’d been certain had vanished from the earth, raised its beautiful face.  I asked God for forgiveness, which He gave, but like the good Father that He is, He gave me so much more.  He infused my heart with His love.  Hope and faith in that love allowed me to rest, to finally let go and trust His good intentions towards me.  With complete certainty, I knew God loved me and that He’d placed the desire in my heart to become a mother.  He’d planned my life before He created me, just like He did for you.

I share this to tell you, God created you to have a  personal relationship with Him.  He will not stop pursuing you.  He wants you to cry out to Him for help and hope.  That is a prayer I guarantee He will answer.  I will pray for you.  See my contact page for info.

His love for us has no measure.

Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”



A Fetus By Any Other Name is a Baby

I, along with the rest of the world, followed the United States’ debt limit debacle on television. Each side stated their position with fervor and used words and phrases that best portrayed their party’s reasoning according to what they wished to accomplish.

The democrats used “revenue” and the republicans said “tax increases”; both meant it would cost the  american people more money.  I shook my head over the squabbling and spoke to the television with my indignant reasons about why couldn’t they see we needed to cut spending and lower the debt.  How difficult is that to figure out?  Our country’s survival is at stake!

In a calmer moment, I thought about children, (which I do a lot), and the words we use to describe them.

A large majority of people who are pro-abortion or pro-choice use terms like “fetus, pregnancy and tissue mass” to discuss abortion or describe the unborn child inside a woman’s body.

They have to.

How can they write a pamphlet or say to woman who is considering abortion, ” now, in  the suction curettage procedure, the tubing connected to a suction machine tears your baby’s body apart and sucks it out of your body, or, if your baby is older and larger, dilation and evacuation is used after opening the cervix.  The abortionist crushes the baby’s skull to make the child’s body easier to remove.”  Simply replacing the word fetus with baby, paints a whole new picture, and you notice I did not call the abortionists, doctors.

I thought doctors took an oath to, “First Do No Harm”?

I think many more women would choose to keep their child or to place it for adoption and that would not accomplish the abortionists purposes. The people running the clinics would not make as much money, so they state their position as to why it’s o.k. to “terminate” instead of “kill” in terms that make you think of your baby as non-human.

Think about it from God’s point of view.  Your baby’s survival is at stake.

The Healing Bible says it like this: Psalms 139:13-16 “You put me together in my mother’s womb.  I praise You because You made me in such a wonderful way.  I know how amazing that was!  You could see my bones grow as my body took shape, hidden in my mother’s womb.  You could see my body grow each passing day.  You listed all my parts and not one of them was missing.”