Denial And Rationalizing Our Decisions

When a situation or circumstance in our life is particularly difficult or questionable in the eyes of God and/or society, one way people attempt to deal with the problem is to tell themselves it doesn’t exist.  That’s denial, and it solves nothing, except to delay pain.  Inevitably, we’re forced to deal with the issue which usually our denial has exacerbated.

When we do decide to act, we think about how our response to the problem will best suit our own needs. Therefore, the path we choose to solve the situation has a predetermined destination.  Arrive where we want to end up without jeopardizing our moral integrity and keeping guilt as far away as possible.

There was a period in my life I faced one of these extremely difficult decisions.  I denied my actions were what they were, I told myself I was doing nothing wrong and if the other person involved in the situation had done what they should have done, I would not be in the pain I was in, or dealing with hard choices.  Although there was truth in the very things I just stated, ultimately, I did have other paths to take.  I did not choose them.

Ironically, at this most painful time in my life, I heard from my old grade school sunday school teacher, Mrs. H., I’ll call her for this post.  I was forty years old, and hadn’t spoken with her for at least twenty years.  My teacher was an intercessor.  A prayer warrior, as I like to call them.  She was eighty years old, lived alone, and told me the last time I spoke with her, the greatest joy in her life was having conversations with God. Which, at the time I thought, “how nice for you.”

Now, twenty years later, she proceeded to tell me God had spoken to her about me, and that I was in trouble and she should pray for me, which she did.  But that wasn’t enough for Mrs. H.  She found my phone number and called me.

When I recognized her voice on the phone, I froze.  She began telling me she missed seeing me, and how was I and my family.  I remember lying, telling her everything was fine, which it wasn’t, and all I wanted to do was get off the phone.  I knew she wouldn’t go easily, and she didn’t.  She asked if there was anything she could pray with me about.  I thanked her and bluntly said, “no.”  I knew her well enough to know, God, would be in her next statement or question, and He was.  She told me again, God wanted her to pray and she wanted to hear my voice.  I know now, she was following the direction of the Holy Spirit who had urged her to call me, as well as pray for me.

I did not handle the call well.

You see, I had already decided how I was going to end the bad situation in my life, and there was no way I would let her or God dissuade me from that choice.  I rejected her help, and in no uncertain terms, told her I did not want to talk to her anymore about my family, and that I did NOT want her to pray for me!  She was hurt, but told me she obeyed God, and she loved me, and would continue to pray for me.  The conversation ended.  I had made my decision, and neither she nor God was going to make me feel guilty about it.

What I didn’t realize at the time was, God talked to Mrs. H. out His great love for me and my family. I had rejected her help out of my pain and determination not to feel guilty about my choice.  In my mind, if she or others like her were kept at a distance, I was safe.

Rationalization and denial are coping methods, nothing more.  They do not equate to truth.

Before a woman has an abortion, a child lives and breathes in her body.  After the abortion, the child is dead, and you participated in that death.  If you chose, or are thinking about choosing the path that’s best suited to your own interests such as abortion, your child will die.  There’s no other way to say it.  Political correctness has drenched our culture with these rationalizing lies about the unborn and a woman’s right to choose.

For a time and for the immediacy of the situation, we may be successful in setting aside the thoughts and fears about abortion being death for the baby, but those thoughts will surface again.  And when they do, what will the consequences be to us, our families, and society?

I write this hoping you will consider every path available to you such as adoption, and not just the road leading to what you have convinced yourself, is in your best interest.  Death is not in the best interest of the baby.

I know Mrs. H. is smiling in heaven.  Her prayers for me were answered many years after our phone conversation.

I send my love and prayers to all of you reading this.  See my contact page and email or write me.  I’d love to answer you.

Donna