Another toss and turn night,unable to sleep again.
Like a litany, my mind chanted the medical terms I’d heard at the doctor’s office.
I wanted to shut off the dripping faucet in my head, yet afraid the pipe would clog and rupture . . . submerging me in my pain.
I knew about mental drowning, the fear that suffocates, and at the last moment relents, shoves you to the surface gasping for air and you find yourself alive in your nightmare.
Unresolved pain sets you afloat in a leaky boat sailing for deep water. It’s one of the ways the enemy, satan, seeks to kill, steal and destroy.
I didn’t have to drown, I could float in the calm bay of the Hoy Spirit, securely moored, anchored to His presence alive inside me.
I remembered floating.
Like a father teaching his child to swim, all I had to do was ask Him to hold me safely in the water, until I could relax in His arms, trusting He would not let me go.
At the time, I didn’t know His life-preserver was already around me, or surely I would have succumbed to the unrelenting waves.
Peace I leave with you; My [own] peace I now give and bequeath to you. Not as the world gives do I give to you. Do not let your hearts be troubled, neither let them be afraid.
In my post Hope-God Revealing His Heart to Us I shared my heart about my own struggles with peace, hope and trusting God in the midst of my infertility. Please don’t despair. God knows you heart, your hope. He knows about the sleeplessness, the pain.
God is the captain of the ship that rescues those lost at sea, the lighthouse guiding us safely around the rocks and into harbor. He is here now to heal your broken heart. Let Him, ask Him.
Peace isn’t contingent upon the changing circumstances around us. The only peace that’s lasting comes from the inside. Peace is God who does not change, who does not lie.
Yes, I remembered floating in peace and I asked the holy Spirit to bring it up from inside me. It was always there. It didn’t come down from heaven on angel wings. When you make Jesus Lord of your life, He gives you through His Holy Spirit everything we need to live victoriously through Christ Jesus. When what we need is not being manifested in our lives, we have to call it up.
Jesus, the great physician, healed my broken heart and gave me two children. He can do the same for you.
I think in my next post we’ll pray about that.