All-Sufficient God

The memories of this past holiday season are sealed in my heart.  I was blessed to have my son’s and daughter’s families at home for Thanksgiving and Christmas this year which of course included both my grandsons!  My children are not often home at the same time, and I cherished the special days together.

Grandsons . . . I have two, and if it’s God’s plan, they’ll be more grandchildren.  God’s intentions for us are always good.  I remind myself of this when I can, because I remember a time I was certain I’d never be a mother, let alone a grandmother.

Everyday God’s goodness amazes me. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us God has good plans for us, plans to give us hope and a future, and even though these words were spoken by God in the old testament to the children of Israel, when you become a christian, you become heirs to God’s promises to Abraham as well.  God has good intentions for all our lives, but He has requirements as well.

Jeremiah also tells us God wants to prosper us.  Prosperity in the scriptures means sufficiency in all things, God’s grace abounding toward us.  In order for us to receive His bounty in every area of our lives, He wants us to first seek Him and His kingdom, and when we do, He promises to care and provide for us.

In my post, Adoption An Answer For The Pain, I shared my heart with you about my infertility, miscarriages and eventual adoptions.  After ten years of infertility and my first miscarriage, I gave up on everything, including God.  My pain swallowed me; and I was sick to death of listening to women complain about their kids and motherhood, or not wanting to be pregnant at all.  God, in His loving mercy allowed me to grieve and heal, and eventually I returned to His arms of forgiveness and hope, even though He’d never let me go to start with.

God had blessings planned for me.  His path was different than I’d thought of for my life, but oh, how good His ideas were for me.

If you still wait for a child, or you’re pregnant and don’t want to be, don’t give up on God. He’s not given up on you.  He wants you to have a child; perhaps through natural birth or adoption, or maybe foster care.  He is the God of life.  If you’re considering abortion, wait and seek Him first.  Allow God’s Holy Spirit to speak to you and share His good intentions for both you and your baby.

He is the “all-sufficient one” who never slumbers or sleeps.  God cares about every detail of your life and He will sustain you.

Over time, I healed  after my miscarriage.  I prayed.  I cried out to God.  I wanted peace.  I wanted what He wanted for me because I’d come to the realization He wanted only good for me.  I stepped back and let go of my baby quest, and in His great compassion, love and timing, God brought my baby daughter into my life.  He’d wanted this for me all along.  God never let go of me and He used one woman’s choice for life to be the answer to my prayers.

He’ll do the same for you, no matter what side of the motherhood equation you’re on.

Seek Him first.  You and your child will never regret it.



Hope-God Revealing His Heart To Us

If you read my post, Adoption-An Answer for the Pain, I wrote about my feelings of failure.  Failure as a woman, failure as a wife, failure as a christian because of questioning and blaming God for my inability to conceive or carry a child to term.  By the time I miscarried my first child, I’d completely given up on myself and God.

Mercifully, He didn’t give up on me.  Through His son, Jesus Christ, He continued to love me, to protect my heart and to forgive me. Hebrews 13:5 says, “I will never leave you or forsake you.” That’s God’s promise to us.  He was still there, all the time, loving me in spite of my feelings about Him, my circumstances or myself.

Pain, mental or physical, shuts you down and gives you tunnel vision.  All your focus is on the pain and the reasons for it.  You ache for relief, and after a while, you’ll do anything to stop it.  When I became a christian, I asked Jesus to forgive me and be my Lord and Savior.  He did, and the Holy Spirit came to live inside me.  There aren’t enough words to express how grateful I am for that.  The Holy Spirit is our comforter, our teacher, our encourager, and so much more. It’s the Holy Spirit who accomplishes God’s purpose in our lives.

When you hear someone who has a true relationship with Jesus say,” God told me,” what they mean in almost all cases is they heard the Holy Spirit inside their spirit speak to them.  I know, He speaks to me and I speak to Him.

I was a christian. . . an immature one, when I lost my first child after so many years of trying to conceive.  But, after some time passed and I’d had a chance to grieve, the Holy Spirit applied His healing oil to my broken heart.  At first, the unbearable weight of loss lifted enough for me to realize I would live through this and that realization freed my paralyzed spirit.  Eventually, numbness dissolved, and feelings of abandonment by God disappeared.  I’d wake in the night thinking about God and His love for me, and with that, hope, which I’d been certain had vanished from the earth, raised its beautiful face.  I asked God for forgiveness, which He gave, but like the good Father that He is, He gave me so much more.  He infused my heart with His love.  Hope and faith in that love allowed me to rest, to finally let go and trust His good intentions towards me.  With complete certainty, I knew God loved me and that He’d placed the desire in my heart to become a mother.  He’d planned my life before He created me, just like He did for you.

I share this to tell you, God created you to have a  personal relationship with Him.  He will not stop pursuing you.  He wants you to cry out to Him for help and hope.  That is a prayer I guarantee He will answer.  I will pray for you.  See my contact page for info.

His love for us has no measure.

Proverbs 13:12 says, “Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”



Adoption-An Answer for the Pain

During my first miscarriage, I remember the bedroom walls breathed.  I heard this deep gasping sound.  I sat on the edge of the bed, void of sensation, certain I’d died.  The walls sagged in and out in a jerky, rhythmic motion. Minutes disguised themselves as hours. Then, I started to wail and realized the jagged breathing came from me, not the walls. I curled up in a fetal position hoping to stop the cramping, but nothing bridled the pain. My body mirrored the repeated stabbing in my heart and all I could do was hold on to my bedspread and cry.

When you’ve waited for a child, the endless months and years passing at tortoise speed while your arms remain empty are surreal.  My numb heart refused the slightest mention of hope.  In the early 1980’s, Nebraska adoption agencies reported 400 couples waiting for every white, healthy child relinquished for adoption.  Exhausted in spirit, mind and body, I couldn’t handle the thought of plowing a new field of adoption with myself, my husband or our families. I wondered daily if all of them had given up on me, because I had.

Most wee hours of the morning found me sitting on my front porch, bargaining with and questioning God.  Why me?  Why was it taking so long?  Why didn’t God answer my prayers?  I never stopped to think I couldn’t hear Him if He tried to tell me anything.  My prayers  were one-sided, accusing and brimming with self-pity. After I lost my baby, I gave up.  I couldn’t bear any further disappointment, and I was certain I’d be childless.

I don’t know how I knew I needed to, but I allowed myself to grieve.  So much loss. . . my child, my emotional stability, my life had ceased except for this endless quest of womanly fulfillment. Even though I knew it was a lie, I told God it didn’t matter anymore.

I craved peace.

God is patient.  He doesn’t give up even when we do, and for that, I give Him the praise and glory He deserves.  About six months after losing my child, I met a woman and her daughter she’d adopted from Korea.  The beautiful child stole my heart, and hope erupted inside me, again.  With God, what we often view as coincidence, are His definitive plans for our lives.  This precious woman told me about the agency she’d worked with:  Adoption was the answer I’d prayed for.  Even when I didn’t know it, God knew.  In His timing, He changed my life forever.

A week later, a letter arrived in the mail.  The woman I’d met sent two photos of her little girl and my husband had the opportunity to see her, too.  We didn’t take long to decide.  We applied with Holt, started the home-study process, and to make a very long story short, eleven months later we were a family of three!  God is awesome.  His love and concern for us and everything in our lives should renew your hope. He understands the ache in your heart to have a child, He put that desire inside you.  Trust Him.  Don’t give up.  Consider all the options.  Adoption is the gift of life.

If you’re pregnant and considering abortion, please read this post again.  God, the giver of life, has a plan for you and the child you carry.  His plan is life, not death.  Prayerfully consider adoption.  God has a family waiting to receive your gift.

Email or write me.  See my contact page.  Tell me your story.  I want to listen, to help, to pray.